Nobody told me how guilty I would feel… ?
You’ve heard of the phrase ‘mum guilt’ before, right? Allow me to introduce you to ‘dog mum guilt’… because let me tell you, it is absolutely a thing.
Dog mum guilt started when Clover was a puppy. If I had to put her in her pen whilst I had a shower (you know, to stop her gnawing the whole house down in my absence)… guilt. If I had to pop to the shop and leave her for 20 minutes… guilt. If I had to go to the office… guilt. Even going out for dinner for a couple of hours having spent the entire day with her, given her my full attention and two very long walks… you guessed it. Guilt. It felt as though I was leaving a piece of me behind… it still does.
I can’t be the only dog owner that experiences this- right? Or maybe I am, and maybe I need counselling or similar…
‘Dog mum guilt’ ?
The truth of the matter is, its very much a me problem, and not a Clover problem. If Clover has had a walk, she will sleep for a few hours afterwards, regardless of whether I am home or not. In the mornings, she sleeps until midday, regardless of whether I am home or not. Come evening, Clover settles down and sleeps from around 7.00pm, regardless of whether I am home or not. So she’s fine if I leave her for a few hours, having walked her beforehand and I know she’s fine… so why do I feel so awful? Even if I literally pop to the shop down the road and I’m gone for 15 minutes I tell her where I’m going and how long I will be and that I’ll pick her up a treat whilst I’m there. Truthfully, Clover doesn’t care where I go or how long for (as long as it’s not more than 4 hours of course!), and the treats that I bring her are more of a selfish way of trying to suppress my guilt, rather than actually buying her treats because she deserves it! She’s probably secretly hoping I leave the house everyday knowing that often (but not always!) I come home bearing gifts.
The internal guilt battle is worse when I go away properly. If I’m off for a weekend break then I try to include her. I feel less anxious and happier when Clover is around. But she can’t come everywhere, and it’s important to have longer breaks without her ( I suppose!).
I’ve just come back from a week long holiday. I dropped Clover off with family, as I always do when away for more than a few days, and I cried saying goodbye to her. I then cried in the car for about 20 minutes afterwards. You may be surprised to hear that this is actually an improvement to the usual state I get in. I can’t help it. I know she’s safe, I know she’s happy and I know I will receive regular updates of her. I also know that I need a break too. But leaving Clover behind genuinely hurts my heart a bit. I know, I know, I need to get a grip…
Before getting Clover, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that I may become so emotionally invested in this little floppy eared pooch. I knew I’d love her, and I knew I’d want to spend as much time with her as possible. I just didn’t know that sometimes the guilt could be this strong. And that’s why this is an important post. Because I want to always talk about the honest reality of having a dog. The things I hadn’t considered and that I am learning along the way. Would I have still got Clover knowing that I would be feeling so guilty all the time… yes of course. But would I perhaps have been more prepared and dealt with it better… who knows.
On the flip side, a positive of missing her so much and feeling so guilty is that I’m always happy to come home. You know when you go on holiday and you never want to come back? I don’t get that anymore. Sure, I could always probably do an extra day or two but when it comes down to it, after a week or so, I’m ready to come home to my girl. Another positive is that ‘non-cuddly Clover’ is always pleased to see me when I return. Her ears go back, her butt wiggles and she licks me to death… for approximately one minute and then she couldn’t care less that I’m back. But it’s the little wins in this dog owning business, and I’ll take any form of attention that I can get…
Want to read more? You can head back to the homepage, visit top ‘tips before getting a dog‘, or check out more blog posts at either ‘the dog ownership topics that nobody warned me about’, or ‘a diary of my ruff reality.’
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*Disclaimer- I have no animal related qualifications whatsoever. Which begs the question as to exactly how much of my advice you should take. This isn’t really an advice blog- not properly. It’s more of a ‘these are my experiences- maybe we can all learn from them’ type of blog. You should probably seek actual qualified veterinary/animal behaviourist/dog dietician advice if you genuinely have any dog related concerns. I’m just here to share the things I’ve learnt in my three years of dog ownership. Some of which may be useful- some not.*
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